I have been writing about the past for the last several entries while my attempt to get pregnant has been on hold. But now the wheels are in motion again and I need to be in the present.
After many long talks we decided to use donor eggs for our next and LAST IVF attempt. As much as I desperately want be pregnant, I have to honor the fact that I won't drive us to the poor house to do it (well, walk us to the poor house I guess). It's so expensive, as you well know.
We made an appointment with the donor coordinator. Unfortunately I had to go alone and there was so much information some of it got a bit lost. I met first with the donor coordinator for an hour and then with the third-party finance coordinator for another hour, and finally (since I was still conscious) I was led to a small windowless room with two chairs, a small tea table, and a 3-ring binder titled "Egg Donor Profiles". Apparently, this is top secret stuff. In fact, I had to sign an agreement that none of the information I acquired would be shared. That didn't make me feel odd at all! (eyebrow raised) There were about 20 profiles. Since I was there alone I was just gathering information, not making any decisions. I asked for 16 of the 20 profiles. I couldn't narrow down the options any more than that since my head was still spinning from the financial coordinator visit.
I took the 16 profiles home and starting pouring over them...obsessively of course. (Is there any other way?) Of the 16, exactly zero were anything like me. ZERO. Finally, after several days, I decided to stop looking for parts of me in someone else. There is only one me. I can't be replaced. We decided to just look for healthy, happy, and reasonably intelligent. Not super-woman, not rocket-scientist. Seriously, this is a double donor situation. If you put in ?? and add ?? you get back ????. Right? There is no real control in any of this. It's all out of our hands.
We found a donor we liked. We liked what we read about her. Her family health history was a bit spotty since she never knew her father and his side of the family (left when she was 3 years old). But something about her just felt right. The only problem was that she had never been through the process. Our donor coordinator discouraged us going out on a limb. So we decided to wait and see what her progress would be with another couple...who was willing to go out on that limb.
The couple before us was scheduled to have DIVF in March 07, postponed until April 07, postponed until MAY!!! We were going crazy. The coordinator just told us that the "recipient" was having a health problem that was putting off the cycle. UGGG!!! Okay, out of our hands. If she was the right donor for us, we would have to wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey, we should be great at that by now.
Well, it's May now and we received the report from our donor's first donation:
14 eggs collected
7 fertilized with rescue ICSI
2 arrested
5 embryos
3 to transfer (one grade 1, six celled: two grade 3, eight celled) ** grade 1 is the best 5 is the worst**
2 to watch...later arrested
none to freeze
This is not what I wanted to see. Compared to my own IVF I was disappointed. My own stats were:
10 mature eggs collected
6 fertilized
1 arrested
5 embryos
4 to transfer (three grade 3, six and eight celled: one grade 4, six celled)
2 to watch...later arrested
none to freeze
And I'm 42!! I guess I just wanted something sort of like Kind Friend's results. That's a crazy amount of eggs though. That's DIVF dreamland!! KF you are awesome!! Your ovaries should be cast in bronze.
Suddenly our donor didn't feel so good to us. So on Monday I called the coordinator and spoke to her about our concerns. Some of our other choices were now out of the program after reaching the maximum amount of cycles (5). So back to obsessing. It's what I do best.
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4 comments:
Are you required to use the donors that the clinic has on file or can you go to other agencies for your donor? I'm up in Canada and we're going to be using IARC for our egg donor. You may want to check them out,(http://www.fertilityhelp.com/), as their donors are located all over the US and will travel to wherever they are needed for retrieval.
I can't see how to comment on your latest post.
It's important you feel that the DEIVF has the best chance of success. I wish you well and hope you can relax as much as possible between now and then.
xx
Reply from Daisy:
Thank you Pam for your suggestion. I checked it out. Hopefully this will work for us...but if we have to look elsewhere IARC looks good.
Yes DG, I do need to relax. I need to just let the process unfold now, keeping myself healthy and thinking positive. BTW thanks for pointing out the comments issue. I think I fixed it (I'm still learning).
Daisy
I think that your goal of happy, healthy, and reasonably intelligent is a good one. People are going to say that your child looks like you or your partner, because that's what they expect. NO ONE would know that we used donor eggs unless I told them. (I just smile to myself when they say that my daughter looks like me.)
Good luck with your choice. I know that it's a hard one. Perhaps there are local "egg brokers"? We used an egg broker who worked with a couple of the local hospitals.
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