Good-bye and Hello

IVF is a tough gig. I don't recommended it for the faint-of-heart or for those who feel easily pushed off track. For those of us who don't have the perseverance of a bulldozer and the heart of a lion, sometimes it does seem...just too much. But once we connect again with the reason for this process, it does give many of us those super-human powers we need to keep going.

Yesterday, my super-human powers were tested, again. After looking over our initial choice for egg donation we decided that we wanted to go with someone who had a more proven track record, even if she wasn't our first choice, overall. I have to say that it left me feeling really off track. For the last 4 months I have been attaching myself to donor #1. Letting all of it sink in. Thinking about what possible characteristics or traits our baby would have. Imagining her going through this process for us. It's really deep stuff, emotionally and mentally. But after seeing the numbers I got scared. We talked about it and then decided to go with one of the other donors that had a better response.

I was still somewhat ambivalent when I called the coordinator and I felt like a heel, but I think we did the right thing for us. It's just so hard. Thank goodness we have plenty of sperm from our other donor. I couldn't go through that process again right now.

The bottom line is that both of these donors were confident, healthy, and reasonably intelligent. But donor #2 has two children of her own and has had a successful donor cycle resulting in pregnancy for at least one couple. The down side is that now, both of our donors (egg and sperm) are fair complected, with light brown/blond hair, blue or green eyes, and freckles. At our house we are all raven haired, black/brown eyed beauties who tan very well (the only exception is I have hazel eyes). So we might have a very different looking new addition. But all I really care about it having the addition which is why I was willing to go through the donor change in the first place. I know that if I do get pregnant and get lucky enough to have a baby, none of this will seem relevant (especially the $1,000 fee charged to us for switching donors...ouch!).

The new donor has agreed to donate to us (woo hoo!). We will be geared up to go in July...more waiting. We will get our new time line sometime this week. I get really excited when I think about it. What should I do until then...diet, exercise, acupuncture...nah! I don't want to do anything that will cause me more stress, right?