...blog that is.
I could fill up every post with how wonderful it is to have Mr. Baby in our lives, but that is a given fact. Maybe I will save that until the end. :)
What has been on my mind is all the things I wondered about having a DS/ED baby. Let me tell you that the donors rarely every cross my mind. Even when someone mentions how much he looks like me or doesn't look like me. It just isn't a part of my awareness. It doesn't seem to matter. I already knew what is was like to be a mom to two girls who are not genetically related to me, since WW had our first two. I just didn't know what it would be like having given birth. The BIG difference has got to be the hormones. When our first daughter was born, I was the calm, rational, level headed one. I still reacted strongly to her cries and needs but not like I have Mr. Baby. When he cried I felt like my very existence relied on getting to him and giving him what he needed. I say this in the past tense because it has calmed down a bit over the last few weeks, but it's still there. I was the ultimate Mama bear even with WW which illustrated just how the hormones really work. She let me have total control over how things were handled, not that she had much choice.
If you follow my blog you know that the first person we will tell that he is from a double donor conception is him. Who he decides to tell is completely up to him. It is his information to share. No one is really aware of his beginnings and we are okay with that. We don't feel like we are hiding something or that we are liars. We feel like we are doing the right thing for our family. Now of course it is obvious that at least sperm donor were used to create all of them. But there is such a larger reaction to an egg donor than a sperm donor. Maybe society doesn't value men's role in reproduction very much. Maybe lots of men have facilitated that. At any rate we chose not to share the information about our sperm donors with others until the girls had that information first too. We did share the basic stats: height, weight, eye color, hair, but that was it. Now at the ages of 10 and 7 they are asking us more about the men that helped create them. We are completely willing to share all we know as they ask it of us.
We are just at the very beginning of these discussions. Their main interest so far has been ethnic heritage. They understand that they are made up of a combination of traits between WW and the donors and that these traits are sometimes tied to where your ancestors came from. So that's where we are right now. I have to say, it's pretty exciting to share this with them. We were very excited about picking the donor and now we get to talk about why.
They haven't really had a reaction to the fact that they are both conceived from different donors. I don't think that it has occurred to them that having the same donor is an option. But it DOES seem to be on EVERYONE else's mind. It baffles me to this day how many times we have been asked if they are from the same "father". Setting the "father" issue aside for a second. I don't get it. They don't look appreciably different from each other so I don't know what prompts this question but I have to say I find it VERY rude. Way too personal! I would never ask a divorced mother of three if her kids had different dads. Not my business. WW thinks I overreact to this question. I have answered it in a variety of ways, some of them not so nice. I mean really, do they think I am going to fill them in on the details? Maybe someone can help me understand why people ask this, but it bothers the bejeezus out of me. The last response I gave was to the very polished and professional lawyer, wife of a politician who I barely knew. I said, "Why? Does it matter to you?". She was embarrassed at her sudden awareness that maybe that ISN'T an appropriate question, especially in front of a bunch of kids, two of them mine! URGH!!
Okay rant over.
I just wanted to share what it is like to have our girls coming into the awareness of their beginnings, since a lot of us are in this boat together.
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It is so nice to hear that the de issue is a non-issue for the moment. That is what I am hoping it will feel like.
Hi Daisy - I have not been checking in for a while and for that I am sorry. Your boy is just absolutely beautiful and I was thrilled to see the pics of him!
The fact is that he was conceived as he was conceived. And he is as much a part of you and your family as he would have been had he been conceived differently.
That's the way I feel about Eddie, and hope that he feels the same way as he gets older.
Reading this again, I have to say that I don't think you are over-reacting. People can be rude and need to know when they have crossed the line.
I love your blog! I'm glad to know your procedure was successful! Your son is wonderful boy! I wish you and your family all the best! My dh and I were ttc for a very long time. I've got pregnant in 2009 and we thought that finally our prayers were heard. Unfortunately my pregnancy ended with a miscarriage. We've lost our son and it was shocking for whole our family. I couldn’t get back to life for a long time. I’m glad I have my dh. He gave me support I needed the most. We wanted to have kids so much, it was our only dream. Living childless life wasn't a variant for us. We were thinking about adoption at first. But we wanted our child to be genetically related to our family. Still I had some doubts. My dh looked at this procedure positively. It would be his child anyway. I thought I would be just some woman, who will carry a baby. I have a fear, that everyone will notice it's not mine. I thought it will be obvious and people will talk about it... Also I watched a tv show about de ivf. Some children started to look for women, who shared eggs with these kids' mothers. That was so sad. Those mothers didn't deserve such attitude. They made everything possible their children to have all they need and even more. And here is gratitude. But as this procedure was our only solution of our problem, I made a decision to do it. I should say de ivf is a very good option. I had this procedure in 2014. I've got pregnant from first attempt. We were on seventh heaven! Our girls were born in May 2015. We've just celebrated their first birthday. We used Ukrainian clinic BioTexCom. We are happy parents now! I have no regrets. As soon as I knew I'm pregnant all doubts were wiped out. We decided not to tell our daughters we used donor eggs. I think children' mind is not ready for such info. This fact will change nothing for them. The most important is to give them love and care. I consider myself as their only mother. This is everything they need to know.
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