Today (7dp5dt), when I woke up I realized that my body is doing exactly what it has done all the other times. It works like clockwork. I knew in my heart that this cycle did not work for us. I didn't POAS, I didn't get my beta back, I didn't start bleeding, I just know. I know my body and I have been through this so many times.
I'm sad today. Tomorrow I will go in for the 2nd beta and they will tell me in the afternoon what the results are. I will just go through the motions as I have before. Nurses passing me by wishing me good luck and thumbs up and I will plaster on a fake smile so I can get through it. I will have them call WW because I cannot take the actual news at work. When I get home, she will tell me what I already know. Unfortunately she leaves town tomorrow for an overnight work trip. So we won't be together. That's hard for both of us.
Out of all the cycles, this one had the most potential, but I know what I know.
We do have embryos frozen, just no money to go through another cycle. The saddest irony.
I will update tomorrow with the official news. Thanks for all your encouragement and support.
4 comments:
Daisy - I'm not sure I understand. You didn't POAS and aren't bleeding- not sure I understand how you know it didn't work.
I will still hold out hope. And I'm also confused becuase 7dp5dt is only day 12 of the cycle - I'm very surprised that they would be doing a second beta now. Usually the first beta is on day 14. I must be missing something, but feel terrible for you.
Oh Daisy, I hope that you're wrong.
You know, when I was still able to get pg on my own (with all the m/cs), the best prediction that I was pg was the absolute conviction that I was not.
I don't know your body like you know your body and I don't want to dismiss your very strong feelings, but I do hope it's more psychological protection than biological reality.
I'm so hoping your gut feeling is wrong.
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