Not much to report. I am more "sane" today. I am not having any of the "symptoms" of pregnancy or AF, so go figure. I feel totally normal. I do have a heightened sense of emotions because of the drugs, but that is normal for me at this point. Things are just quiet. Yesterday, I was convinced that I was incubating. Today, not so much. I am just telling myself that "you never can tell". I think I am a little more peaceful about the whole deal.
I have no desire to POAS, but that will change as the beta gets closer. I'd rather get the bad news in the privacy of our own bathroom than over the phone. I don't like those kind of surprises. I have already requested that WW get the call and not me. It would be better coming from her and she can handle the news better than I, ya know, cause she's not all hopped up on hormones.
Of course, I have to have a plan either way. If it is a BFP then I will eating more organic and being more pro-active about changes that I need to make and we will make some decisions that have been on hold.
If it is a BFN, then I am going against REs orders. They have you stop all meds, cold turkey. While it will help your cycle start, hopefully, I can tell you that this is not beneficial for emotional health. On top of being nailed with the bad news, you have a mass exodus of hormones (last time it left me destitute). This time, WW and I have worked out a schedule to taper down, particularly with the estrogen.
Tomorrow, I will have the bi-weekly estrogen shot. I bet by Sunday I am crazy again. Just a guess.
2 comments:
Ok, a couple things. First, the way you are feeling about the "am I, no I'm not" is, again, totally normal. Sucks rocks, but is normal. So is feeling maybe symptomatic then feeling nothing, then thinking that you never felt anything, etc. Remember some people feel symptoms really early, and some NEVER feel anything during their whole pregnancy. You can feel sore boobs one day, no sore boobs the next day, freak out and be positive you're not pregnant (or if you are, that you've had a m/c) but I'm telling you that symptoms can be there, not be there, or fluctuate. Just keep that as a cheat sheet in the back of your head (although I'm sure it won't eliminate the freaking out if you're anything like me:)
Next - one thing to remember - you can POAS early and have a negative. That doesn't mean it's negative. You can POAS on time and it can still be negative if you have a late implanter. But I'm not trying to give you false hope - just that maybe you'd have good news with one, or maybe it will give you something to brace for, but you will really never get a good indicator if it's negative until you get your beta.
I think it's a good idea about the hormones, personally.
Hang in, hang in. The 2ww is absolutely some of the most awful time we ever can bear. But I'm thinking positively - your lining was great, your transfer was great, and all conditions sound like "go" to me!!
I'm glad you feel better today. And if you feel more freaked out or worse tomorrow, that's ok too. It's all part of the cycle (which, again, sucks rocks...)
The waiting is so hard, especially the second week
xxx
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