The Women in my Family

I was just sitting here thinking about my IF. I know, big shock. I was thinking, if I do get pregnant, when will I tell my family, friends, etc. Then it got me thinking about the women in my family and their reproductive issues. Specifically, my mom and my three sisters.


My mom had 5 miscarriages between the ages of 18 and 26. Each time the MD told her it was because she had spent her younger years as a tom-boy. That her abdominal muscles were too strong and that was causing the problem. She thought it was all her fault and the MD agreed. The earliest one that she knew of was at 8 weeks; the latest was at 21 weeks. When her first child was born it was a miracle for her. Unfortunately, the placenta did not detach and she had to have an emergency procedure to remove it. She went on to have a total of 5 children. When she was pregnant with her youngest they discovered she was RH negative and her body continually tried to abort him throughout.


My oldest sister had fibroid tumors. She had two children but after a sever auto accident they decided to give her a complete hysterectomy because of abdominal trauma. She was only 27. As an x-nurse, that still makes me wonder, WTF?


My other sister spent 7 years trying to get pregnant. She finally got pregnant with identical twin girls. They were born at 34 weeks. Both were dead. Later they told her that she had an incompetent uterus. That didn't explain the deaths. She was divorced a year later after 15 years of marriage at the age of 35.


My youngest sister got pregnant at 18, quite by accident and had a healthy boy. She later had fraternal twins who were born full term, no problems. Then she got cervical cancer (now attributed to HPV) and they removed her cervix when she was 29.


Then, there is me. I had un-protected sex (I know, I know) in high school using the rhythm method. (I thought I was doing the next best thing to condoms and BCPs. I was so stupid.) I didn't get pregnant. Then, I realized the gay thing when I was 18 so that put an end to pregnancy scares. At 38 we used IUI at home for a year before going to an RE. I never has a positive OPK, ever. (I know, I know). We did 4 rounds of Clomid with no BFPs. Then we were basically rejected from that RE. Assholes. Maybe I will tell that story another day. After that I was very depressed about it for about 6 months.



Finally, I got my self together and started shopping for another RE. I found a great one!! We stated right away with Clomid again while all the testing was going on. The first HSG showed bilateral blockage at the top of the uterus. My RE didn't believe it, completely. It looked more like spasming to him (and I was in major pain). He wanted to do a lap. At that time I didn't want to go though a lap. We decided to do another HSG with a medication that would relax my muscles to prevent spasm. I was completely relaxed, almost asleep. No dye would enter the tubes and the blockage was just a bit different from the first scan. Enough to say, they are indeed blocked. He offered the lap again followed by continuing to try with Clomid and IUI. So after crunching the numbers and the odds I just thought it was better to go with IVF. Just cut to the chase and by pass the lap, IUIs, and the tubes.


When I had the IVF screening they found the first suspicious spot on one ovary that turned out to be endo. It was small and according to the RE didn't have a major adverse affect on my egg production from either side. But my egg quality was not good. Is it from the endo, my age, the stim protocol...no way to tell. We did one cycle with my eggs. The RE gave me a 20-25% chance of getting pregnant with my own eggs if we did a second cycle. Now I have more endo, on my other ovary.

I feel relieved that we are using donor eggs. It wasn't our last resort. It was a conscious decision to make the odds higher and the stress over medical and genetic risk less. That 20-25% chance used to hang over me, but now I have fully embraced our decision. Please, let it work.