On the day of the blood draw I went in alone. Many happy nurses wished me good luck. I was feeling pretty numb inside. I kept telling myself I was happy to get to the Beta. Inside, I always hoped that there was that one-in-a-trillion chance that just one of my embryos would make it. Later that day, we went out and treated ourselves to some Starbucks. The kids got hot chocolate, I got some obscenely sweet thing, and Wonderwoman got the same. I was feeling pretty good just appreciating life and our little family. They are my soul and I will always be blessed because I have them.
Once we got home, a nurse I had never heard of or seen called me with the Beta results. She was so sweet and sounded like she was reading from a script. From the second she uttered the words, "We always hate to call with bad news..." I wanted to hang up. I held the phone as far away from my ear as possible, just enough to hear her voice but not what she was saying. As soon as I barely heard, "Do you have any questions?", I said, "No, thank you, good-bye." and I hung up. Exhausted, I just sat back in the chair, feeling so done. Wonderwoman looked at me, I shook my head no. Then we just sat together for a long time silently.
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