I'm doing okay. I am having the depression that always follows a failed cycle. Even though the BFN hurts so much, I know at least 1/2 of the depression is about the happy hormones draining out of me. It leaves me depressed and with a flat affect for about 4 weeks. I usually have a failry big personality, so it makes people ask what is wrong. I learned to say, "I just don't feel right today." I can do that without crying or anything. Climing out of this hole is really all I can do right now. I just don't feel like doing anything.
I did want to mention that about a month ago I was at a 5 year old's birthday party. I really didn't know anyone there even though almost all the kids were from DD's kindergarten class. So I was standing around listening to conversations that I was not part of, and I heard a really good one. I'm paraphrasing from memory.
Mom 1: You and your daughter seem very close. Is she an only child?
Mom 2: Yes we are really close. She's an only child...she's my miracle baby. (My ears start doing the bionic thing...)
Mom 1: Really. What do you mean? (She seems very interested too.)
Mom 2: I had 6 miscarriages before I got pregnant with her.
Mom 1: OMG, that's awful. Did they know why you had so many M/Cs?
Mom 2: They ran every test possible and found nothing. I would get pregnant, no problem, and carry to right before 20 weeks...every time. (My heart was breaking for this poor young woman.)
Mom 1: I had a hard time getting pregnant. It took years to have our two kids.
Mom 2: Oh, well something must have worked.
Mom 1: Well, that's because we used donor eggs. (My head snaps around. The wind from my hair could be felt for miles, I'm sure. I see mom 1 looking for some recognition on mom 2's face. Maybe they had also considered donor eggs with all the M/Cs. Maybe? No.)
Mom 2: Oh, what do you mean? What are donor eggs?
Mom 1: You haven't heard of that? It's when another woman donates her eggs to a woman who for some reason cannot use her own. That's what we did. (Very matter of fact like.)
Mom 2: Oh...well...that's different.
Mom 1: Yeh.
Conversation over...
But the intrigue continued...more later, gotta run.
4 comments:
I'm really sorry about your BFN. You are right, they always suck no matter how convinced you are that it was coming.
That conversation you overheard was fascinating. Did you approach the mom who had used DE? Sometimes it feels like we are living in some kind of underground society and we're trying to feel strangers out to see if they know the secret handshake.
When you look at the statistics, it really does happen quite a bit, so it has to have happened close to home. I'm glad that you heard two people who didn't seem to know each other very well talking about it. Maybe it is coming out in the open more. I hope so, for my daughter's sake. We are in the telling camp, and I don't want her to feel like a pariah.
On the other hand, it is kind of fun to have the information and watch what Hollywood is doing. Julia Roberts knew she was having a boy and a girl when she was only 8 weeks along. Oh really? PGD and IVF, though possibly CVS. And Nancy Grace? Not her eggs certainly. What's amazing to me is that there still are so many people out there who aren't aware of what is so obvious to us now.
You have my curiosity going about your hot iron. I can't wait until you can share. I'm glad that there is some good stuff out there for you to look forward to. BFNs suck so much. Hugs to you.
Just thinking of you .. you dont need to climb out yet.. take your time :-)
Although I am in the "tell" camp, I would never think of just bringing my use of DE into casual conversation, even when talking with someone else about painful trying to have baby struggles. Especially if they already had their child and weren't trying for more (if I thought I could help guide, I might feel that person out a bit more and eventually direct to donor eggs). I'm very intrigued by how matter-of-fact she was, and am very interested in hearing more!
I'm also praying that hot iron is a good one, and is still burning for you.
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