I am sitting in our living room looking at the most beautiful tree. There is a mini-tree across the room on a tall table usually reserved for a cascading bottle palm plant. There are two poinsettias on either side of the hearth and a really beautiful pumpkin that we grew this year in our garden. It's perfect. All our stockings are hung off of the mantle. It feels warm and comfortable...like you could just fall asleep without effort, which has happened to me many times today. I am cozy.
Our transfer went well. When we saw the blast it was expanding, so definitely alive. The growth for this blast was "sluggish" which doesn't inspire much excitement, but it was alive. My primary concern was that we would be out in the parking lot leaving with nothing, in full hysterics. The clinic was very quiet because of the holiday and we were the last people there for the day. Everyone was in a great mood and happy to be going home soon, but we didn't feel rushed at all.
All the prep for the transfer went perfectly. Bladder perfect. Valium...yummmmm, better than perfect. Cavity check, perfectly painless and in the proper position. US fuzzy, but hey someone knows what they are looking at. Then the embryologist brought in the "one who waits" and with a few ice pick feeling jabs while the catheter searched for the back room of my uterus...it was done. We listened to one of the best holiday CDs ever...Liz Story, The Gift...for 20 minutes while the annoying egg timer clicked.
As we waited, WW started talking about names, which made me cry to see that kind of hopefulness in the light of our disappointment. There's always a chance, right?
After we walked out we sat in the parking lot until it emptied just sitting together quietly, not quite ready to drive home. It was drizzly and foggy but we had that feeling...the one you have when you are first in love, like no one and nothing exists but the two of you. That was a huge bonus at the end of the day.
Now, I am trying to just maintain sanity, not thinking of the future and not reliving the past. I just want to be here now with the "one who waited" for as long as we have together.
4 comments:
What a great post. You are making me want to go hug my partner.
A big virtual hug to you both as you hang out with the one who waited. We are all waiting to hear your news.
yes a really wonderful post! And i send another virtual hug to all three of you.
I am keeping fingers and toes crossed for you.
this is such a beautiful post. i could not be happier about your perfect transfer and your sweet and cozy days at home post transfer! and god I am thrilled that the one who waited thawed well and grew on!
Summoning mass quantities of love and good energy and beaming them your way. All for you, girl. I can't wait for your updates. go, embryo, go.
What a happy post. I really, really hope this embryo is magic
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